Ben, 35, Daytona Beach, US - What is the reason why people insist on believing in some sort of religion?

Answer - Because, for many, life is too difficult without believing in something that makes it easier to cope with. The more important question is why is it easier. Why is it difficult for humans to simply be and enjoy being?

Being alive is fine. It is living that is a gigantic puzzle of constant choices, questions, dealing with unfulfilled urges and desires, fearing death, pain, loneliness, even ourselves.

We cope in many ways; work, fun, drugs, sex, pain, obsessions (collections, travel, dogs, etc), the search for truth, the search for knowledge (which has nothing to do with truth), or we have religion. Then there is repression, denial and regret.

Imagine a world, where it has been proven beyond a doubt that life is living and death is not living and that is all there is it to it. Imagine getting up in the morning knowing that you can enjoy it or you can not. Naturally . . . enjoy it, seems like the obvious answer, but how do you enjoy living? At the end of the day, people often choose a religion because they do not know how to enjoy living?

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Anonymous - Which is best: A life with or without God and your reason why?

Answer - What do you think? Since the beginning the belief, worship, fear and love of the Gods or God have been the catalysts for wars, destruction, oppression, exploitation, suppression and control. Many (oh so many) leaders througout time have used our fear of and love for the Gods of God to lavish upon themselves wealth and power, while they themselves indulged in every vice possible.

Then, consider the many deeds of kindness and goodness by so many (oh so many) people for the belief and love of the Gods or God. Consider that chaos (not an attractive environment) has been abated primarily due to the existence of rules and laws that originated from the Gods or God. I guess the real question is whether, left on our own, human beings would have developed the ability to live in peace and harmony or if we would be even more mired in decadence and destruction.

Are humans able to live responsibly or de we need the fear of consequence or the need to please to motivate responsibility or, are we as the bible says we are?

Genesis 6:5 . . . the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually

Genesis 8:21 . . . for the imagination of man's heart is evil . . .

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Alexander, USA: I'm a male bisexual who ultimately wants to get married (to a woman) and have children. Is it worth coming out?

I am 27 and have only had sex with one man. I feel equally attracted sexually to men and women (obviously depending on the person). However I feel more emotionally attracted to women. I am pro gay adoption and that is not the issue - I just feel I would be more emotionally comfortable over a long period of time with a woman. I'm a Kinsey 4/5.

So the crux of my question is, do I come out to my large Irish Catholic family and colleagues at my conservative law firm when in 10 years time I plan to be changing nappies and be living what appears to be a normal straight life?

Should I postpone coming out until I have more experience with men?

To the extent that it matters at all, I do not appear gay. And before anyone starts saying "Bi is just a transitional phase to becoming gay" let me say I believe myself to be a full bisexual - I've enjoyed all my sexual relationships with women (except those one night stands that everybody regrets).

Answer: The simple answer is no. I think you should give some more effort to understanding yourself before coming out to anyone. To help you in understanding yourself, I will offer a little opinion and information.

I know this is an ongoing debate, but there isn't really anything as gay, lesbian or bisexual. Those are just labels that simplify the discourse. There is an unlimited amount of hormonal/chemical balances that make up our personality, including our sexual desires, but not our sexual direction. To be clearer:

Our sexual organ does not decide our gender personality, and the reality of hermaphrodites is, in itself, complete proof of such.

Our feminity or masculinity does not decide our sexual direction. There are males and females with varying degrees of masculinity and/or feminity.

Sexual dimorphism in humans, what makes males sexually attracted to females, and vice e versa, is controlled by the hypothalamus and has nothing at all to do with our sexual organs.

All of the above can be very confusing, as it makes it quite possible to be a male in a body with a male sexual organ (like you are) that is attracted to females (either in a body with a female sexual organ or with a male sexual organ).

Our sexual direction (Hypothalamus) does not dictate our sexual deviations (personality - hormonal balances), which is something that can change with age, alcohol, drugs, stress, hormonal cycle, etc. Our sexual deviations are endless and can be anything from sex in public, anal, group sex, to same sex, muscular bodies, sadism, masochism, bestiality or machines, and though our deviations may become habits, they have nothing to do with our sexual direction.

To top it all off there is physical intimacy as an expression of emotional intimacy, which may result in someone who is male with a male sexual organ being physically intimate with another male with a male sexual organ simply because there is a strong emotional connection and not because there is any sexual attraction or any sexual deviation.

I know it is a lot, but read it carefully and you will see that it makes sense. So, all you have to do is think for a while, because it sounds to me like you are either:

A male with sexual deviation of being with other males

or

A male that is attracted to females (with female organs or with male organs)


Follow your heart, but let your mind read the signs . . . . Good luck 

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Sonia, 35, Indiana, US - I am in long distance relationship. He cheats on me, he has stolen from me, he hits me and he has put me into trouble, but I love him so much. He is giving me something that makes me so happy, I have never been happier in my life. I don't know how can I feel that way, if I have been hurt so much. It hurts when it happens, but then I forgive him. I'm confused, I don't know if something is wrong with me, I could never do these things to anyone. He wants to marry me, but I wonder what will he do to me then. I'm confused, disappointed, afraid and happy. I don't know how can I help myself, and see what is right for me

David, 31, Wichita, US - If you happen to open a hidden door, say your boy/girlfriend's email, which you did without their knowledge, and you see an email or two or three to someone of the opposite sex that lives on the other side of the world, and it is a little flirtier than you are comfortable with, what do you do? Is the relationship over just because you felt you had to open the email of someone you love and trust?

Answer - The question you should be asking is do you trust your partner, and if so, then why did you open their private emails? Find the answer to that and it will lead to the answers to all the other questions.

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